Betrothal
river. Tyup
Jingish Aji
When the time for marriage comes, the groom's father12 goes to negotiate with the bride's father with one horse.
The groom visits the bride even before that.
Bozbashlyk
Arachi — a "spy" sent by the boy's father to an unfamiliar person whose daughter he intends to take for his son, to observe everything and report back on how successful his intended choice is.
Zhuuchi — sent by the boy's father to find out about the principle agreement to give his daughter to him.
Kydyr, the old man
Before the betrothal, the groom's father indirectly clarifies the readiness of the girl's father to become related to him. Then he warns when he will come for the negotiation regarding the kalym. Until then, they do not exchange gifts.
village. Bolshoy Kebin
Zhanteli
There was no negotiation about the amount of kalym — it was given after the wedding13. For the negotiation, the groom's father drives several heads of livestock, which are then included in the kalym. The payment could start from that moment.
sarybagysh
In the boy's infancy, his father, wishing to betroth him a wife, goes to the father of the chosen girl, stays overnight with him (a ram is slaughtered for him). The next morning, the guests and the host go out to the steppe and discuss the matter (not about kalym). If there is agreement, upon returning home, he gathers his close male relatives (10-12 people) and goes to formally betroth, taking with him 2x9 or 3x9 heads of large cattle, among which there must be one good horse. At the same time, after slaughtering and cooking two good rams, they place them in bags and take them with them, loaded onto this good horse; a piece of cotton is tied to its forehead so that the relationship between the fathers of both children will be good14.
Upon arriving at the bride's father, the livestock is given to him as a gift, and the meat is also given to his household. The guests are treated to a ram, and they are allowed to stay overnight, and in the morning, the wealthy man gives everyone a robe (silk and others), after which the guests leave, not speaking further about the matter. Until the children grow up, the relationship between the families is maintained through women, with the groom's side always gifting and giving livestock, while the bride's side gives robes15.
Sadvakash Khozhakin
Girls of different ages are betrothed. Either the father himself does the betrothing or sends someone else. He gathers close relatives — two or three men (women do not participate in the betrothal), and they go to negotiate, without gifts.
Upon arrival, everyone sits in the yurt according to rank, and one of the relatives starts the conversation about the betrothal, usually only about the agreement to become related (if it concerns children), or they immediately move on to the agreement about the size of the kalym (if they are betrothing adults). Then the betrothers go home and report the results of the negotiations.
After an indefinite time, the groom's father goes with one or two horses or camels to the bride's father (kuldak uru — with bows), having warned him in advance. These horses are the first gift; such gifts are given 1-2 times a year, until the marriage is concluded. The bride's father responds with a chapán or robe16. The second time he arrives with nine or 18 heads of livestock, slaughters a ram, and, having cooked the meat, places it in a bag and takes it with him (toyi tushurdo).
Sagimbay Orosbekov
The father comes to betroth himself, either alone or accompanied by friends. The father of the intended girl agrees but demands one kul17 as kalym, for example. After the agreement, the kalym is paid in installments. If the bride's father needs livestock, he sends for it to the groom's father, and the latter is obliged to provide it, even if he has to borrow from someone.
Karakol district, valley of the river Tyup
The father sends a person to ask if the chosen one wishes to become related to him. There is no special verbal formula for such a proposal. The messenger goes without any gifts. In case of agreement, the father, along with relatives, takes nine heads of livestock (one camel, horses, and cows) and goes to visit the groom's father. The bride's father slaughters a ram, and before the guests leave, he gives the groom's father a kiyit18, consisting of eight pieces of clothing and one piece of cloth (mat or another white material) of eight arshins, which is called akshyk19.
The latter is divided among the companions of the groom's father, thereby confirming the agreement of their side.
The received chapans: one brocade (kymkap), others from different materials. During this visit, the groom's father stands up, bows (kuldak rat) to the bride's father, asks for her name, and promises another horse, while the bride's father asks for the groom's name in the same order and gives a chapán (now or later)20.
valley of the river Tyup
Batyrkhan
The asking of the names of the bride and groom occurs when they agree on the marriage for the first time.
Jingish Aji
The groom's father starts sending livestock from the moment of the marriage agreement, while the groom is still a child.
solto
Zhanyzak
After the agreement, the groom's father prepares one kap (bag. — B.K., S.G.) of boorsaak, two rams, and then goes around relatives asking them to give him livestock: "Koshoryn barba" (Do you have anything for kalym?). Among the livestock he collects for kalym (kalyn mal)21, there are one or two exceptionally good heads. A piece of cotton is tied to the forehead of the best horse or camel (bashtoo)22.
All those who provided livestock go together with the groom's father to visit the bride's father. They take with them a musician, a jester (mayram pos, yirchi, chertmekchi)23.
The bride's father prepares to meet the guests, and his relatives gather to choose gifts from what the guests have brought. While inspecting the livestock, they make notes for themselves and then tell the bride's father who wants to take what24. The brought refreshments (boorsaak, mutton) are eaten, and the host treats the betrothers.
After the refreshments, the bride's relatives go out (from the yurts) for a meeting: what to give the guests in kiyit. Each person who has chosen a gift from the kalym must give in return either an item or money25. Sometimes, the betrothers hint at a desire to receive money in kiyit, but usually, when asked, they say that they are indifferent. They give furs, robes, fabric, horses; the groom's mother: elechek, chapán, kymkap (brocade). Sometimes a betrother gives kiyit only in half size. Sometimes, guests request rams in kiyit.
The Kyrgyz do not joke with the arriving guests — this is a Kazakh custom26
Kokumbay Zhin
The second wife is betrothed by her (mother-in-law. — B.K., S.G.) with other women (not according to custom, but only in fact).
If the first wife has died, then her relatives do. If a young man marries for the first time after his father's death, then his relatives betroth him a wife.
Visits of both sides before the wedding
Zhanyzak
solto
Before the wedding, the sides exchange visits. When the bride's father comes to the betrother, he gives him a horse. During the first visits, gifts are exchanged voluntarily, and later, they ask each other for various items, livestock.
If someone dies on one side, the other side brings a gift (asa27) and also receives something in return. In case of a ridding, a chapán or livestock is given as a gift on jentek. The groom's side usually gives livestock and generally more than the bride's side, which usually gives clothing.
Kochkoy28 — if during the migration the groom's aul passes by the bride's aul, livestock is taken from it (but not vice versa). The bride's aul catches livestock for themselves, but if the catch is too valuable livestock, the groom's father can exchange it for a foal (tay) and receive kiyit (chapán) in return. The bride's father slaughters his ram and treats his aul, saying that he received it as kochka.
Zhilkychi koy29. In winter, horses are grazed in the steppe, far from kystoo30. The bride's father's herdsman comes to the groom's aul and demands koy for himself. The groom's father gives a ram or money. There is no return kiyit in this case.
Comments:
12 In most peoples of Central Asia and Kazakhstan at the end of the 19th — beginning of the 20th century, the main role in choosing a bride and betrothal was assigned to the father and generally to men: among the Kyrgyz, Kazakhs, Karakalpaks, Tajiks, Turkmen, as well as Tuvans and, apparently, other peoples of the non-Central Asian region (Kislyakov N.A. Family and marriage among the Tajiks: Based on materials from the late 19th — early 20th century. ML; L., 1959. P. 78; Vainshtein S.I. Tuvans-Todzhins (historical and ethnographic essays), M., 1961. P. 137; Potapov A.P. Essays on the everyday life of the Tuvans. M., 1969. P. 234; Esbergenov X., Atamuratov T. Op. cit. P. 52-53; Tajiks of Karategin and Darwaz. Dushanbe, 1976. Part III. P. 29; Peshtereva E.M. Op. cit. P. 180; Toleubaev A.T. Op. cit. P. 15; Fielstrup F.A. Archive: field material; Karmysheva B.H. Personal archive (kept at the Institute of Ethnology and Anthropology of the Russian Academy of Sciences). Perhaps only among Uzbeks did the main role in choosing a bride belong to the mother and generally to women, although they apparently did not participate in negotiations about kalym (Kislyakov N.A. Essays... P. 140). Among the Uzbeks of northern Khorezm, the groom's mother participated not only in the betrothal but also in negotiations about kalym (Aobachva N.L. Wedding rites as a historical and ethnographic source. Based on the example of Khorezm Uzbeks. // SE. 1981 No. 2. P. 40). Among the Kipchak Uzbeks, the bride was chosen by the mother, aunts, married sisters, but the betrothers were men (Shaniyavov K.Sh. On the ethnic history of the Uzbek people. Historical and ethnographic study based on materials of the Kipchak component. Tashkent, 1974. P. 309). These details apparently indicate the lingering elements of matrilocal marriage among Uzbeks.
13 This is not typical. Usually, the question of the size of the kalym was discussed in advance.
14 A horse, mare — a symbol of fertility among pastoral peoples. Among the Kazakhs, for example, the groom gives a mare to his father-in-law on his first official visit to the bride's aul in the hope of the bride's future fertility (Toleubaev A.T. Op. cit. P. 18-19). A piece of cotton on the forehead of a horse (camel) — an act of syndiasmic magic, characteristic of other peoples of Central Asia as well. Thus, among the Tajiks of Karategin, pieces of cotton for "whiteness," well-being are thrown into the tubeteikas of the singers who accompany the groom to the bride's house, woven into the bride's braids during her hair re-braiding, distributed to those present at the bride's viewing, etc. (Tajiks of Karategin and Darwaz, Part III. P. 41, 46; Kislyakov N.A. Family and marriage... P. 184).
15 According to the materials of Karmysheva B.H., among the Karategin Tajiks, the parents of a young bride congratulated her during two Muslim holidays: Kurban and Ramazan.
16 Chapán is indeed a robe,
17 It is unclear what is meant by the word kul.
18 Kiyit — a gift in the form of clothing; gifts from the groom's relatives to the bride's relatives after the engagement (Yudakhin K.K. Op. cit. P. 386). According to F.A. Fielstrup, this is a reciprocal gift from the bride's relatives to the groom's side, usually in the form of clothing, fabrics.
19 Aktyk — literally, "whiteness." Among many peoples of the world, including Turkic ones, the magic of the white color played a significant role in wedding rituals. A piece of white material given during the betrothal symbolized the wish for a "white," unobstructed path for the initiated affair.
20 This custom is a remnant of a universal phenomenon in the past: a taboo on proper names. In ancient times, a proper name was considered an essential part of a person, as if one of their organs. An enemy or simply a stranger who knew a person's name could inflict irreparable harm on the bearer of the name (Frazer J. The Golden Bough. A study of magic and religion. M., 1980. P. 277-296). Therefore, a person's name was not used in vain. The forced communication of the names of the bride and groom during the betrothal to representatives of another family (another clan) had to be compensated with a gift, apparently to neutralize the harm of this act.
For the same reason, apparently, a daughter-in-law (stranger) had no right to name anyone from her husband's relatives (men and women) born before her arrival in this family, for whom she was a representative of a foreign (not her own) clan, so as not to cause them harm. This prohibition was lifted concerning the husband's relatives born after her arrival in the family: for them, she was already a representative of their clan (Frazer J. Op. cit. P. 282-285; Kislyakov N.A. Essays... P. 181-182; Abramzon S.M. Kyrgyz... P. 260; Tserenkhand G. Some customs of avoidance among the Mongols // SE. 1991. No. 5. P. 113).
21 The participation of the groom's relatives in gathering livestock for kalym; the participation of the bride's relatives in gathering the dowry; the participation of relatives from both sides in the expenses for gifts that the betrothers brought to each other during wedding ceremonies; the distribution among the bride's relatives of part of the kalym, and among the groom's relatives of part of the dowry, as well as gifts that the betrothers brought — all these are different aspects of a surviving form of the principle of redistribution of expenses and incomes of a particular clan, community, characteristic of pre-class and early-class society [Abramzon S.M. Kyrgyz... P. 218-224; Sukhareva O.A. The quarter community of the late feudal city of Bukhara. M., 1976. P. 28-30; Lyushkevich F.D. The tradition of inter-family ties among the Uzbek-Tajik population of Central Asia. On the problem of the existence of kalym and other patriarchal customs // SE. 1989. No. 4. P. 59-60; Lvova E.L., Oktyabrskaya I.V., Sagalaev A.M., Usmanova M.S. Traditional worldview of the Turks of Southern Siberia. Man. Society. Novosibirsk. 1989 (Hereinafter: Traditional worldview of the Turks... II. P. 191)]. Kislyakov N.A. holds a different opinion. He believes that kalym is an institution of buying and selling women, while the institution of dowry has a completely different origin (Kislyakov N.A. Family and marriage... P. 202-203).
22 Bashtoo — literally, "main camel," in this case the best of the camels given as a gift (Yudakhin K.K. Op. cit. P. 118-119); batat — accordingly, the best of horses.
23 Yirchi — singer, chertmekchi — playing the komuz, mayram pos — jester.
24-25 see note 21.
26 See about the jokes with the betrothers: Toleubaev A.T. Op. cit. P. 17. 21 Asa, the same as aza — mourning, as well as something brought to the family of the deceased for the wake (livestock, items, etc.). See: Yudakhin K.K. Op. cit. P. 25, 74.
28 Koch — migration, relocation; koy — sheep.
29 Zhilkychi — horse herder, koy — sheep; zhilkychi koy — sheep for the herder (i.e., his share).
30 Kyshtoo — wintering.
Wedding rituals among the Kyrgyz in the early 20th century. Part - 1