Marriage (Summary)94
Belek Soltonayev
Kudalyk — entering into kinship through the marriage of a son or daughter. The choice of family for entering into kinship is dictated by considerations of personal friendship (kudanda; belkuda — an agreement made before the birth of children), to support an existing kinship connection (syoyokkuda), or for political reasons (syoyoktushtum — entering into kinship).
Zhanyzak
In preparation for the official matchmaking, the groom's father gathers livestock (from himself or relatives), prepares boorsak and meat.
The matchmaking is done ceremonially: the groom's father goes with male relatives, having warned them of the time of arrival.
Kydyr, Chapiteli
During the matchmaking, the groom's father brings and drives gifts with him, which later become part of the kalym; he may arrive without gifts, either alone or with all those who provided livestock for the kalym, bringing musicians and entertainers (mayram pos and others).
Zhanyzak
In the latter case, the bride's relatives gather to choose gifts from what the matchmakers brought. They mutually treat each other.
The matchmaking is led by one of the relatives; there is no special verbal formula for this. The kalym is negotiated if those being matched are already adults and the question is about a quick union.
Kydyr
There was no agreement on the amount of kalym — it was given later according to conscience. During the visit, the fathers ceremonially ask each other for the names of the betrothed and give gifts for the name.
After spending the night, the matchmakers receive a kiit in the morning: robes, cloth.
Zhanyzak
In the event that the brought livestock has passed among the bride's relatives, these relatives give kiit from their property.
The payment of kalym begins with the first ceremonial visit with gifts.
The relationships between the two families before the actual marriage are maintained through visits (mainly by women). Gifts are exchanged.
The bride's father may demand any item from his matchmaker, which the latter cannot refuse (l. 48).
Entering into kinship occurs for various reasons: due to simple and blood friendship, for political motives, to maintain an already existing kinship.
The father sends a spy (arachi) to find out about the condition of the proposed kinship family. Then he either sends a person (zhuuchi) or goes himself (if he is sufficiently familiar with the family? — F.F.) to find out about the principal agreement to enter into kinship with him. After this, the matchmaker goes ceremonially alone or with relatives, bringing gifts (livestock and meat), or without gifts. The matchmaking is led by one of the relatives; there is no special form. If the intended couple is of marriageable age and the question is about a quick union, then they also negotiate about kalym (although see below regarding kalym).
They are well received, allowed to stay overnight, and in the morning are gifted robes or the groom's father is given kiit, from which all companions receive a piece of cloth as a sign of obligation to be witnesses to the agreement. During this visit, the fathers ceremonially ask each other for the names of the girl and the groom and give gifts for the name. From the moment of this agreement, the groom's father begins the payment of kalym, and the relationships between the two families are maintained until the groom grows up, mainly through visits by women. The gifts exchanged in such cases consist of livestock from the groom's side and robes from the bride's side. Discussions about kalym are actually held only when the time comes to celebrate the wedding (nika), and before that, the groom's father sends gifts to the matchmaker.
The groom begins to visit the bride secretly when he grows up; he stops at some yurt (not relatives of the bride), where games take place in which the bride participates. After these games (not kyzy oyun? — F.F.), the participants and the groom with the bride disperse (they do not spend the night together).
Uy zhany — takya saidy are arranged when the groom and bride reach marriageable age. The groom arrives with his father (or with his mother? — F.F.) — Takya saidy occurs: 1) in a stranger's yurt, the bride sits in the middle (and masquerade); 2) the bride sits in the main place; 3) in the father's yurt. The bride sits to the right, i.e., in her place, or to the left, behind the parental koshogyo (less witnesses). The groom knocks off her hat one to three times, during which questions are asked: "Is it correct?", "To the right or to the left?", "Is it well?", or all this is performed silently. After this game, they become spouses directly, or on the next visit, or the next day. After takya saidy, the bride gifts the visitors with robes or the morning after the wedding night brings her husband pants, a shirt, and a tubeteika, and to his companion a belt (comparable: new clothes for the wedding. — F.F.). Previously, nika was performed immediately after this night.
The father discreetly finds out whether the son is satisfied with the girl and will take her as a wife, and if so, asks her father about the wedding day (and the taking away) and how much more should be paid for the kalym; in case of refusal from either side of the marriage, they reimburse the expenses and others.
Kyzy oyun occurs only in subsequent visits after takya saidy, although some show that the games held in previous visits are also called that and have the same character. Others believe that kyzy oyun is only done with the arrival for the wedding (on orgyo and the question of the bride's chastity see below).
It is believed that the oath of fidelity (biting the bullet and corresponding words) was a pre-Islamic marital vow (? — F.F.), now it is pronounced by spouses for themselves and even only by those who united against the will of their relatives, voluntarily.
Nika (wedding) is held in the bride's aul. After resolving the issue of kalym, specifically about the additional payment, preparations for the marriage begin: dowry, clothing, etc., while the groom lives with the bride in orgyo (? — F.F.). Orgyo is given by the bride's father along with the dowry, the amount of which depends on his will. During this period, in the evenings, kyzy oyun is arranged.
On the day of nika, in the morning, orgyo is set up, while the groom's parents slaughter livestock and prepare a feast, although they still treat them as guests. The calculations for the kalym are already completed. The dowry is hung for counting and inspection on a rope from changarak to changarak. During the installation of orgyo, the groom and bride change into new clothes prepared by her parents (is the dowry hung after the marriage? — F.F.). After the feast and inspection of the dowry — baiga.
After baiga, the groom's parents, having given a horse to the bride's parents, gain the right to remove and pack the dowry into orgyo by their own efforts.
In the evening, calling the mullah, they slaughter a ram and treat him and the present guests. The groom and bride sit in orgyo. Then they are brought in, covering them from the eyes, and seated behind the koshogyo (to the left of the tor). After the ceremony, the koshogyo is removed, taken out, shielding the young, and hung in the owner's place in orgyo; the bed is already made there. Before the bride (the young) enters orgyo for the first time, one goat was slaughtered, but they did not eat it themselves, instead giving it to a neighboring yurt; when slaughtering the animal, they wished happiness to the young. The inspection of the bed or questioning the groom occurred only after this night if he had not had meetings with the bride before, and such were allowed from the night after uy zhany (and even earlier secretly). If the marriage was performed earlier, before the departure of the young wife, the celebration is held the same way, only the minor episode with the mullah is excluded.
In the morning, the young wife goes to her father's yurt. After the groom's departure, orgyo is taken down, packed, and loaded onto horses or camels under the guidance of the mother-in-law. In the morning, the young wife's braids are undone and her hair is braided into two braids. However, there is one testimony that after the toya, the bride was brought to the yurt and, given a dish with meat, her hair was smeared with fat, braided into two braids, and an elchek was put on her. In the first variation, this happens when they saddle the horses. When braiding, they touch the braids with the fat remaining from the toya, then put on a showkelyo (and elchek is carried in a chest), although now they put on elchek immediately (as showkelyo disappears), they put on soyke, and wear embroidered silk gloves on black velvet. To the women who braided the young wife's braids, the groom's father gives a valuable gift, such as a good horse or something else. Upon departure, there is supposedly a struggle for the dowry, which the women do not want to give, while the visiting men try to take it by force (? — F.F.). Saying goodbye to the young wife, the girls and women sing koshok, each individually, covering themselves with the young wife with kymkap or chapana.
Before departure, part of the dowry is given as a gift to honored persons. One testimony is doubtful, that the mullah is called in the morning after the wedding night. Upon the husband's departure to the aul, another part of chapans and others is given as gifts to the elder relatives of the newlyweds. From the dowry, the young wife retains bedding, while all the rest is taken by the husband's parents (? — F.F.). Usually, the guests and the young wife do not stay near their father after the wedding longer than the next day. There is not always an orgyo; among the poor, the young wife arrives at the father-in-law's yurt.
When the young wife arrives at the groom's aul, she is met in the steppe by the female relatives of the groom. The young wife dismounts from the horse. The orgyo is quickly brought to the aul, a new dwelling is set up, after which the young wife walks on foot, and at the yurt, her mother-in-law meets her with chachila (sweets), which she scatters before and inside the entrance for the young wife.
On the way and upon entering her husband's yurt (orgyo), the woman does not throw any covering over her head and face. The fire in orgyo is first lit with her own means, i.e., not borrowed. In her own place, the young wife already removes the showkelyo, replacing it with elchek, takes off the gloves, and all this is packed in a chest until the next wedding. Behind the koshogyo, the young wife hides from older men, there she is visited and introduced to women and younger male relatives of the husband. The dowry in orgyo is hung up somewhat ceremonially. A toya is held in the aul, attended by the young wife's relatives.
At the first visit to the father-in-law's yurt, the young wife hides her face behind a covering. At the entrance, she is met by her mother-in-law, who smeared her hand with fat (as if accepting a sacrifice from her hands as an intermediary? — F.F.). Then the mother-in-law throws the fat and pours milk into the fire, expressing wishes for happiness and others. The young wife bows upon entering (previously kneeling), while the girls accompanying her lift the covering so that the present relatives of the husband can see her face. Another source reports such an entrance into the husband's yurt (in the absence of orgyo? — F.F.), about three kneelings and a personal offering of fat to the fire; during the bows, the covering is supposedly lifted by the eldest of those present. Then the young wife modestly takes her place with the girls below, to the right at the entrance, and she is treated with the breast of a ram, etc. After which she leaves. From this point on, access to the father-in-law's yurt in his absence is free.
Marriage in pre-Islamic times was indissoluble. Marriage was performed, rarely by mullahs, with the help of a person who knew at least some prayer, and even earlier only by the authority of an intermediary who asked in the presence of witnesses for the consent of both parties. Before marriage, the groom and bride swore in the manner indicated above to fidelity to each other during the groom's first visit (i.e., uy zhany). Presumably, before Islam, marriage was concluded as follows: 1) they asked for consent, then cut a twig in half; 2) the groom and bride, cutting their pinky pads, sucked each other's blood; 3) they bit the bullet; 4) with one handshake (in the Eastern manner).
The abduction of the girl was practiced to pay less kalym. Then reconciliation with the bride's parents was made.
Comments:
94 This section is a summary of field material made by F.A. Fielstrup himself.
The arrival of the young wife in the groom's aul. From the ritual life of the Kyrgyz at the beginning of the 20th century. Part - 8