Premarital Relationships of Young People. From the Ritual Life of the Kyrgyz in the Early 20th Century. Part 3
Pre-marital meetings of the groom and bride
rch. Makmal-Naryn near Toguz-toro
Batyrkhan
The discussion about the kalym (bride price) only occurs when it is time to marry the betrothed (if the betrothed were underage children. — B.K., S.G.). Until then, the groom's father only sends gifts to his matchmaker. The 14-16-year-old groom begins to visit the bride's aul before the kalym issue is resolved and brings gifts for her father — livestock. He travels with friends. He stops somewhere out of sight, and there the girls and young women set up a yurt for him. The "zhengitai" — gifts he brings to the women so they will bring the bride to him. They spend the evening in entertainment, playing the kobyz, kyak, etc. (this is not "kız oyunu")31. Then the groom leaves. Afterward, his father arrives and asks about the size of the kalym and the wedding date.
rch. Bolshoy Kebin
Zhanteli
When the groom grows up (at 15 years), he goes to visit the bride with friends. He stops at a low place on the side. He is met by young women, girls, and boys who have been informed of his arrival, and they lead him to a specially set up yurt and treat him there until evening. When evening comes, the "zhengye"32 — the bride's aunt — goes to fetch her. The bride's parents know about the groom's arrival and do not show themselves33. The zhengye asks the bride's mother for permission to take the girl to the party. For bringing the bride, they demand from the groom "zhengye-tai" — (from a rich man — a horse, fabric, or about 100 rubles). A lot of youth gather in the yurt. Before the games (kız oyunu)34, they slaughter a ram and feast. The boys who cannot enter the crowded yurt stay outside. An experienced young woman (oyun vashi) leads the game. The game continues until midnight, sometimes until morning, and after it, everyone, including the groom, leaves. If the groom stays overnight due to the distance to his home, he sleeps alone, and the bride is taken away. While the groom visits the aul, they play every evening. Then he goes home.
rch. Bolshoy Kebin
On the groom's second visit, about one to six months later, they play in the same manner as the first time. After the games, the groom stays overnight with his bride (the parents know, but do not show themselves). Before the wedding, the groom visits several times in this way.
Takya saidy. A year after the first visit, the groom goes with his mother to the bride's parents. They bring several heads of cattle and boiled meat (of a ram): brisket, saddle, and several other best parts. The mother with the livestock goes directly to the bride's parents' yurt, while the groom stays outside the aul. Women and girls come out to meet him and feast on the brought meat. Then in the yurt, the bride is seated in the far left (right from the entrance) corner, people gather, including the bride's parents and the groom's mother. In ancient times, a high hat with owl feathers35 was placed on the bride. The groom is brought to the yurt from the side where the bride is sitting, the yurt's flaps are slightly opened, one flap is removed and tied to its end with a scarf. The groom uses this tool to poke the hat (takya) of the bride. The hat falls, the women take the scarf and keep it, while the groom pulls the stick back. This ritual is called takya saidy. If the bride is small, she is seated higher.
Zhanyzak
solto
When the bride becomes an adult, they arrange takya saidy — uyzhany36. The groom's father, mother, the groom himself, and relatives go to the bride's aul, bringing no less than 9 heads of livestock (kalyn mal). A special yurt is set up for the groom at a distance so that he does not feel shy around the elders37. His parents are placed in another yurt.
In addition to the livestock brought, the bride's father asks for a salyk — a good horse from home.
The celebration is called takya saidy. In her father's yurt, the bride sits to the right of the "tor'" on a spread blanket; women also sit with her in the yurt. All the flaps and coverings are removed — only the frame of the yurt remains. The men are outside. The groom takes a stick (uk), ties a white scarf and a piece of cotton to it, approaches the yurt from the bride's side, and lightly nudges the bride's hat aside with the end of the stick. The men ask: "On by, soya by?"38
The women respond: "Ikuday onylsa, on, on!" (If God directs it correctly, then yes!). This is repeated three times. After this, the "tbshbk talash"39 (they pull the mattress) occurs. They make a hole in the ground (pit), and from it, they dig a gallery underground to another hole. The diggers squat in both pits and bore a passage between them with sticks. When the passage is ready, they lead a threefold braided rope through it. One end is tied to a hand stone mill (zhartylchak), which is placed in one pit; this pit is then buried.
During the tbshbk talash, women (all, regardless of their affiliation to either side) take hold of the rope at the open pit and pull towards the zhartylchak, while the men pull the free end of the rope in the opposite direction.
In defense, the women smear the men's faces with "mud," which they make by mixing one cauldron of ash and one cauldron of bran with water. The men must pull the rope out of the ground, overpowering the women.
If the men fail to pull the rope (?), the groom's father must give them a horse and nine pieces of meat, while the bride's father puts a kiit on the matchmaker. In the opposite case, the pullers receive nothing, and the kiit is given just like in the first case (l. 33).
Osh District, Aktor Kumbel
Ray Kuvaev
Takya saidy continues until the nikah40. In the yurt, women sit, while men are outside. One side of the yurt is open so that it can be seen. They sing, competing in turn. The bride sits to the right of the "tor'." The groom ties a scarf to a stick; several coins are tied in the scarf. He pushes this stick between the "kerege bashy"41 and gently pokes the takya (tubeteika); the women rush to the scarf to grab it. Nothing is said during this, only singing. This is done once in the yurt of the bride's father. The women, grabbing the stick, snatch the scarf, while the men try to pull it out without letting go of the scarf.
The game before the first wedding night
Karakol District, valley of the Tyup River
Sagimbay Orosbekov
The groom arrives in the bride's aul and is placed in a separate yurt in the aul where the bride's family does not live.
He sits in the yurt with the people. A person enters wearing a chapán (a traditional cloak) over his head, and on top of the chapán, he wears a girl's hat. The person (a disguised man) sits in the middle of the yurt. The groom goes out, takes a stick (or uk), ties a scarf to its end, makes an opening outside by moving or pushing aside the corner of the yurt's flap, and knocks the hat off the head of the visitor with the end of the stick. After knocking it off, he asks: "On?" or "Sol?"
The disguised man takes off the chapán and says: "What do you mean, on or sol? I am not a girl, but a man," takes the scarf, and leaves. The bride then comes in dressed similarly. The same game is repeated. When the groom asks: "On?" or "sol?", the bride's mother enters the yurt, and everyone responds: "On," and the mother takes the scarf for herself. Then the groom returns to the yurt, everyone feasts on meat, after which the bride is taken away, and a bed is laid out in the presence of the groom. Other women (not the mother) bring the bride to him. Everyone leaves. If the groom is young, no one watches over the yurt, but if he is much older, the women eavesdrop to see if the bride will cry. At dawn, they wake them, and the young wife is taken to her father's yurt. The groom hides in his aul so that her parents do not see him.
Uyzhany (getting used to each other) continues until the entire kalym is paid.
Takya-saidy
Kydyr
Before the takya-saidy ritual, the groom stays away from the aul, and afterward, he appears openly. The bride sits in the main place among the women and men. The groom enters from outside and, opening a hole in the yurt's flap, pokes the takya of the bride, while the youth with him shout: "Tuz bu?" (Did I hit it?). They respond: "Tuz" (he only slightly nudges it).
The question is a request for permission to take her away. After this game, the bride gifts the arriving guests with robes.
The groom's father brings a good horse and asks the bride's father when he will allow her to be taken away.
Uyzhany — the first visit of the groom to the bride's aul (literally, "near the yurt." — B.K., S.G.), indicating a very distant closeness, when the groom stays outside the yurt and may not even see his bride. However, it all depends on the mother-in-law, who sometimes allows the young couple everything, up to sharing a bed, although due to the sanctity of the bride's father's yurt, marital rights were not granted to them.
ur. Kol, Uchbulak
kava
Uyzhany occurs during the day. The groom pokes three times and ties a scarf to the end of the stick, which is taken from him each time. The people with the groom outside ask: "On by, soya by?" "On" — they respond from inside, i.e., "correct." After this, he is already considered her husband and has free access to her. The discussion about the kalym comes much later.
Naryn District, Buchuk
Bozbashlyk aji
Takya saidy occurs during the day on one of the last visits of the groom, who comes specifically with his father for this. If he has spent nights with the bride, it was only after bribing the zhengye. After takya saidy, he has the legal right to the bride's bed.
Uyzhany is the moment when the groom is near the yurt. The girl is then about 15-17 years old. Takya saidy is not done before she reaches sexual maturity.
Kız oyunu and others are established only after takya saidy; until that moment, the groom's visits to the bride were completely secret.
During uyzhany, which occurs during the day, for takya saidy, the bride sits to the right of the "tor'." The knocking off of the hat occurs once and is not accompanied by any words.
trans. Karavos
On the first night, if the young man doubts that his wife will remain faithful to him, or vice versa, one makes the other "bite" a bullet as a sign of fidelity.
Jettitor
kavak
During takya saidy, the girl sits to the right of the "tor'." No words are spoken during this game.
r. Makmal-Naryn near Toguz-toro
Jingish aji
Uyzhany and takya saidy are combined. Kız oyunu occurs only after two to three nights.
After takya saidy, the groom leaves without seeing the bride or only seeing her through the opening where he pokes the stick. On the second and subsequent visits, he arrives in the evening, and the bride is brought to him with her mother's permission. That night they do not stay together to sleep. The union occurs the following night, during which the groom remains visiting in the aul. They watch and inquire about the bride's chastity on the night of the nikah.
Takya saidy occurs when discussions about the wedding day and kalym are taking place. The bride sits behind the "keshygo" to the left of the "tor'."
local. Sarybulak
Satyvaldy
buku
Takya saidy — the bride sits to the right, behind the "keshygo" in her father's yurt, in the presence of both sides.
The question is asked: "On bo?"
The answer: "On."
trans. Karavos
If after the discussions following takya saidy, one of the sides refuses the marriage, the parents reimburse the expenses.
Comments:
31 Kız oyunu — one of the games of Kyrgyz youth was held during the pre-wedding visits of the groom to the bride and on the days of wedding celebrations before the bride's departure to her husband's home (Abramzon S.M. Some aspects of the life of Kyrgyz youth (XIX-XX centuries) // Family and family rituals among the peoples of Central Asia and Kazakhstan. Moscow, 1978. p. 107). F.A. Fielstrup emphasizes several times that kız oyunu is held only after the takya saidy ritual, i.e., practically after the young couple enters into marriage. Although there were apparently deviations from this rule, and the wedding night was after the kız oyunu ritual. F.A. Fielstrup sometimes refers to these games as evening gatherings. But this is not an evening gathering in the conventional sense, but something more serious. Probably, these games were echoes of group marital relations.
32 Zhengye — in kinship terminology — is the wife of the uncle on the maternal side or the wife of the older brother; older female relatives of the bride who guide her to the groom's house or organize secret visits of the groom to the bride during the pre-marital period, for which they receive gifts — zhengetai (Yudakhin K.K. Op. cit. p. 248). Zhengye is not a matchmaker, as noted by some informants of F.A. Fielstrup, but a mentor for the bride, an intermediary between her and the groom (Aobacheva N.P. Peers and family // SE. 1989. No. 5. p. 87). Moreover, this person protects the bride from hostile forces, always being near her, even when the bride is left alone with the groom (Snesarev G.P. Relics of pre-Islamic beliefs and rituals among the Uzbeks of Khorezm. Moscow, 1969. p. 82). The most complete information about zhengye (yang) is provided in the mentioned article by Lobacheva N.P. "Peers and family."
33 As is known, practically all peoples of Central Asia, the groom was to avoid the bride's parents from the time of matchmaking until the wedding, and in some areas until the bride's departure to the groom's aul. After a certain time, a special ceremony was held to connect to the hearth of the bride's house, accompanied by mutual gifts. Among the Kyrgyz of Talas, according to the materials of F.A. Fielstrup, this occurred after 1-2 years (see below). On family-marital prohibitions and avoidances in general, between the husband and the wife's relatives, in particular, see: Kislyakov N.A. Essays... pp. 163-239; there is also literature cited there.
34 Kız oyunu (literally, "girl's game") — see note 31.
35 About the owl feathers on the bride's headgear, see: Karmysheva B.H. On the question of decorations made from bird feathers among the peoples of Central Asia and Kazakhstan // Ethnic history and traditional culture of the peoples of Central Asia and Kazakhstan. Nukus, 1989.
36 Takya saidy — literally, "removal of the girl's hat with a stick." The ritual preceded the secret pre-marital meetings of the groom and bride — a relic form of ancient family-marital relations during the matrilocal marriage period. Among the Kyrgyz of the Adigine tribe and the Kashgar Kyrgyz, it is called uy zhany — literally, "to be close to the bride's house" (Abramzon S.M. The Kyrgyz... p. 226), as the groom during the ritual is not in the bride's yurt, but outside it, nearby. Here is what F.A. Fielstrup writes about this ritual in his report on his trip to the Kyrgyz: "I paid great attention to the question of marriage, in particular, I was interested in the question of wedding visits of the groom to the bride, which supposedly occur secretly from the parents, are not a secret to anyone, and are fully sanctioned by custom.
The betrothed groom, having come of age and paid a certain part of the kalym, arrives in the bride's aul and stays in a stranger's yurt. This visit is called uyzhany, as the groom remains near the bride's yurt without entering it. Then the takya saidy ritual occurs. The bride, wearing a girl's hat (previously a pointed takya), sits in her father's yurt, usually in the circle of her relatives. The groom slightly opens the corner of the covering flap, pushes a stick (the dome pole of the yurt) with a scarf tied to its end through the opening, and lightly knocks or nudges the bride's hat. The scarf remains for the matchmaker (zhengye). The performance of this ritual varies slightly in different places: the hat is knocked off once, three times, or this action is accompanied by the question: "Right or left?" (i.e., the groom's party asks: is the marriage lucky or unlucky?), or it is performed silently. This blow is as if asking for permission for closeness, and from this moment (corresponding to the Kazakh orunty) the groom and bride are effectively considered spouses. The wedding according to Muslim ritual, with the participation of a mullah, is performed only before the bride's departure from her father's house to her husband's aul, while previously it was arranged immediately after uyzhany, which confirms our opinion about the moment of marriage" (Fielstrup F.A. Research among the Karakirgiz // Ethnographic expeditions, 1924, 1925. A, 1926. pp. 49-50).
37 The matter here is not about shyness, but again about the ritual avoidance of the groom from the bride's parents (see note 33).
38 "On by, sol by?" — literally, "right or left?".
39 "Toshok talash" (literally, "struggle for the bed") — a struggle for the bride, a struggle for the dowry and other wedding games, where on one side women participate, often regardless of their affiliation to either side, and on the other — men; this ritual is a remnant of the struggle between matrilocal and patrilocal tendencies (Abramzon S.M. The Kyrgyz... pp. 234, 235; Lobacheva N.P. Various ritual complexes... p. 313; Kislyakov N.A. Essays... p. 160).
42 Muslim marriage. The attitude towards this ritual among the Kyrgyz was often formal. It was more often done in the bride's house, but according to the materials of F.A. Fielstrup, sometimes in the groom's house. Some informants of F.A. Fielstrup refer to the nikah as a wedding, which is not entirely accurate.
41 Kerege bashy ~ the upper part of the kerege (the wooden cylindrical part of the yurt).
Matchmaking. From the ritual life of the Kyrgyz in the early 20th century. Part -2
